Last time all my family got together they ended up against me. My cousin kept talking about “I hate the police” over and over and I said Well, what happened. He said They pushed my face in some rocks in my own front yard in front of my mother. I said, No, tell me what happened. They had gone there to arrest him, and after they put the cuffs on him he decided to try and run away. That’s stupid. What, you gonna escape and find someone to help you get those cuffs off? Stupid. So anyway they tackled him and when they put their knee in the back of his neck like they do, his cheek scraped on some rocks. So he’s mad about that. I asked what they got him for, but I already knew. He robbed a Dairy Queen. They got it on tape. It was the Dairy Queen he worked at. Which is how they knew what house to arrest him at. His own house. And he’s mad at the police. I said he brought it on himself, and then all my family said “you always got to take the opposing side, don’t you? Always got to argue.” So I had to go on and eat in the other room. I did that because they’re stupid. They wanted me to come back in, but I said, no, you’re stupid.
—
the Custodian (via theconceptlibrarian)
I envision a book called “The Custodian” someday. I will buy it.
Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C.? I’m rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain’t one!
— Stephen Colbert, in a Federal Elections Commission filing for his super PAC. (via officialssay)
We all have days like this…
Next time you see me, ask me to do my impression of this picture. My Cosby is priceless.
(via absolutelymadness)
Finally, a Candidate that won’t drop the ball.
